MARCH 15th, 2024
The other night, while I
should
have done something else entirely (but didn't feel like doing any of it, because my asshole was bleeding), I decided to rewatch John Carpenter's "
ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13
" instead.
It was quite enjoyable, once again, especially the soundtrack and overall atmosphere, and my mind quickly began to drift off.
When
this early scene
came on...
...I quietly chuckled and mumbled to myself:
"Oh, look ... the three boys are about to start a
synthpop
band."
But then I couldn't get that stupid joke out of my head anymore (as usual), and I began to wonder:
"Hmm, what if they really
did
do that?"
(In a semi-parallel-universe sort-of-meta situation that is.)
"What would they be called, and what would their album have looked and sounded like?"
In the spring of 1980, in a desolate part of Los Angeles, California, the three gay friends
RAY JOHNSON
,
STEVE BUKOLOVSKY
and
MIGUEL FERNANDES
, fed up with the straight-world bullshit of their intolerably dull neighbourhood (and really everything else, too), decided to start some kind of minimalist synthrock/-punk band.
They were
young
,
queer
and
angry
... and their music was going to reflect just that.
(Naturally, it would also be sexy as fuck, something they all agreed on!)
Ray
played bass, which he had kind of inherited from his older brother Leroy ...
Steve
(who had come up with the whole idea in the first place, after he had "found" a synthesizer in an abandoned warehouse) opted to play keys ... while
Miguel
dedicated himself to the electric guitar. An improvised rhythm-machine soon provided the necessary groove.
They decided to call themselves
VANILLA TWIST
, inspired by a hilariously funny scene from an action movie they had watched together a week before, but instinctively knew that ... should anyone ever dare to inquire about the meaning of their bandname ... they would play it cool and spin some pompous yarn about the defiance of social norms and things like that.
They started rehearsing and quickly came up with a bunch of songs (most of which had obvious gay themes), and in less than two months they were signed to
Anderson Records
-- a small, but dedicated independent label from Los Angeles -- who were excited to release their first single.
This 7-inch was entitled "
THE CHOLO
", and the A-side featured the insanely danceable, but hauntingly dark disco-track of the same name, a song about a crazy blood-ritual (lyrics written by Steve with Ray on lead vocals), while for the B-side they chose the melancholy ballad "
BORN OUT OF TIME
" (written entirely by Miguel, who also sang), to show off their versatility.
So then this unfolded...
All of this made me rather sad ... and I
REALLY
wanted to listen to that single.
The single was a huge clubhit, and the band soon gathered quite a following.
Tragically, a week before they were scheduled to record their much anticipated debut-album, Ray was brutally killed in a drive-by shooting. Steve, who couldn't deal with the pain of losing his best friend, killed himself with a heroin overdose only three weeks later. Miguel never wrote a song again, and reportedly died in a motorcycle accident in 1983.
The following day, I still had this idiotic story in my head.
I absolutely needed to put an end to this, but I couldn't just go ahead and write that single myself (because, aside from all the
obvious
reasons, I am currently set on a different course). However, in order to exorcise this nonsense, I figured that I could at least design their
T-shirt
(and put it up on RedBubble for a while).
To me, it's a fashionable band-shirt to celebrate a gloriously wicked,
uncompromisingly QUEER SYNTH band
that never actually existed.
For everybody else ... well ... it
could
be a reference to one of the funniest scenes in movie history...
