23rd May 2023

Ever since the weather decided to switch to springtime, I am feeling noticeably worse (as always, I am clearly more of an autumn/winter person) ... and since last night was a particularly crappy one, again ... and I, most likely, won't be getting anything useful done today ... I figured that I might as well try to bring this incredibly




" plotline to a close...

When I left the sleeplab after my first visit (the first of six) with the CPAP machine under my arm, the nurse said to me:

"Some people have a problem with the mask, but you have such a positive attitude towards this, I think you will be fine"


Well … I was



There is actually an entire litany of unpleasant things that (


) come with the CPAP-mask.

In my case, the worst one was the pain the mask itself caused (as in

open wounds

), which made it impossible to wear.

But then there is also the leaking and the constant draft of cold air (which causes the eyes to get inflamed) ... the noise from the machine (which sounds like there is a storm raging outside your window) ... the sickening feeling of getting air pumped into your stomach (which gives you heartburn and makes you want to throw up, when you should be getting rest instead) ... the deep, red marks from the straps that stay on your face the entire day … and so on.

It's all quite ridiculous.

I tried so many different masks, even had one custom-fitted especially for my face,  which was expensive as fuck, took an entire year and two attempts to make, and - in the end - turned out to be the

WORST piece of shit

of them all.



It has been a little over two years, since I have received my CPAP-machine (which, technically, is a BIPAP), and, through tries and error, the set-up I am working with now is as good as it is most likely ever going to get.




Here is what it looks like:




as this may sound, I really


have a positive attitude towards the whole thing (admittedly, mainly, because I was desperate) ... and, in my naiveté, I assumed that the "problems" some people were having with the mask were merely due to their general dislike of the concept as such. In other words, the fact that they are now forced to go to bed every night with, what is essentially, an


strapped to their heads...

...and, honestly, I thought that I would be fine with this.

1.Underneath the mask is

3M surgical tape

, to tape my mouth shut (it covers the lips). Unlike a chin-strap (which doesn't work), it keeps the mouth closed and the lips "sealed". This particular tape is good, because (in case of an emergency) it rips (in theory, anyway), and it doesn't leave any sticky residue, after you removed it in the morning. -- On top of that is the

AirFit F30 medium fullface-mask

, which I have altered to better fit my face.

2.You cannot see it here, but there is

bag balm

(that's "Melkfett" in German, or you can use simple vaseline) around the eyes (also on my lips, to protect them from the tape), to act as a greasy "wind"-barrier.

3.On top of that is a piece of

soft cosmetic tissue

, to keep the blindfold from getting all yucky.

4.Then the actual





around the straps, to help prevent those 24h-lasting marks on the face.


I still need to get that extra padding for the strap on top of my head.


I still stop breathing in my sleep, but (currently) it is less than 12 times per hour, which is good.

I still wake up from/in

sleep paralysis

, but it's a mild one (in comparison), and, in those two years, the


has only appeared twice .. and that was in the first month after I received the machine.

(He looked like the hooded creatures in


, and when I kicked him - literally, I kicked against the damn wall -, he retreated and morphed into my backpack, which was hanging from my closet-door.)

I absolutely



fall asleep without the mask on.



Not even for a short "nap". If I do, it gets



I like my CPAP

. I see it as a


. A guardian, who protects me from brutal horrors of the death demons. At least for now. It ages my face, though, but that's still preferable to having a stroke. So,



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